Charles Wesley: the most emotionally arduous personal conversion story I have ever read

I have never met anyone who sought Christ as ardently as Charles Wesley did prior to his conversion.

From the pen of Arnold Dallimore in his phenomenal biography of George Whitefield:

The Wesleys were not men to do anything by half-way measures, and, spurred on by their fear of being eternally lost, they made their search for faith the passion of their lives.

Charles, grasping for any straw of help, refused the comfortable surroundings of the reverend John Hutton’s home in Westminster, and went to live with a William Bray, of whom he speaks as, ‘ a poor ignorant mechanic, who knows nothing but Christ; yet by knowing Him, knows and discerns all things’.

He spent the next few weeks in a bed-ridden condition, but his spiritual search continued. His journal reports:

 

May11. We prayed together for faith. I was quite overpowered and melted into tears… I was persuaded I should not leave his house before I believed with my heart unto righteousness. 

May 12. I waked in the same blessed temper, hungry and thirsty after God… This day (and indeed my whole time) I spent in discoursing on faith, 

either with those that had it, or those that sought it; I joined with Mr. Bray in prayer and the Scripture, and was so greatly affected, that I almost thought Christ was coming that moment. I concluded the night with private vehement prayer.

May 13. I waked without Christ; yet still desirous of finding Him… At night my brother came, exceeding heavy. I forced him (as he has often forced me) to sing an hymn to Christ, and almost thought He would come while we were singing…

May 14. The beginning of the day I was very heavy, weary, and unable to pray; but the desire soon returned; … I longed to find Christ, that I might show Him to all mankind; that I might praise, that I might love Him.

May 16. I waked weary, faint and heartless… In the afternoon I seemed deeply sensible fo my misery, in being without Christ.

May 17. To-day I first saw Luther on the Galatians, which Mr Holland had accidentally lit upon. We began, and found him nobly full of faith. My friend, in hearing him, was so affected as to breathe out sighs and groans unutterable… I spent some hours this evening in private with Martine Luther (his commentary), who was greatly blessed to me, especially his conclusion of the 2nd chapter. I laboured, waited and prayed to feel ‘who loved me, and gave Himself for me.’

May 21. ‘… The Spirit of God strove with my own and the evil spirit, till by degrees He chased away the darkness of my unbelief. I found myself convinced, I knew not how nor when, and immediately fell to intercession… I now found myself at peace with God, and rejoiced in hope of loving Christ. My temper for the rest of the day was mistrust of my own great, but before unknown weakness. I saw that by faith I stood; by the continual support of faith, which kept me from falling, though of myself I was ever sinking in sin. I went to bed, still sensible of my own weakness, yet confident of Christ’s protection.

Charles became a man of rich spiritual emotion and vehement zeal. He prayed continually, prayed anywhere and prayed with strong cryings and tears. He spoke the Gospel with boldness and power wherever he was adn to everyone he met. Of a coach ride to Bexley and another to Oxford he says,

‘We prayed and sang and shouted all the way.’

In his new liberty he could not be held by forms of prayer and written sermons, but broke forth into free supplicationa dn extempore preaching. His life was filled with spirtual activity and he had time and thought for nothing else.

Have you ever known anyone personally who sought Christ as ardently as Charles Wesley prior to their new birth?