A Lifetime of Agony, Overpowered by Hope

Jesus answered “ If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you?  You must follow me.”  Because of this, the rumor spread among the brothers that this disciple would not die.  But Jesus did not say that he would not die; he only said, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you?”

Perhaps this was the cruelest sentence of all.  Yes they all died.  For some of them it was a quick beheading.  Others were tortured mercilessly until cries of “Father forgive them” were reduced to spasmic gasping.  But they found relief.  Every last one of them. . .

How he longed for that same relief!  But it was not to be.  One after another.  His friends.  His brothers.  The only ones in the world who could truly understand.  The brotherhood of the twelve.  Well, eleven.  They were so normal.  So ill-equipped.  So naïve.

“Follow me”

Those two words will echo into eternity.

All of this madness.  The world, overwhelmed, shuddering.  Thousands dying.  Some say millions.  More suffering than one should see in 100 lifetimes.  . .  It all began because of Him.

“I did not come to bring peace, but a sword.”

I could see it.  A lifetime of agony, overpowered by hope.  He continued.  He continued.  He continued.  Tasting the morbid death that hunted them.  An empire on its head.  Evil  seething.  . .  never quenching that defeat.  The one, final. . .

Perhaps the first wound was the deepest.  Absolutely, he believed with all of his heart before.  He had already stood up to the chief priests and Pharisees many times.  He himself had been hunted with many trying to murder him.  It was nothing new.  And yes, there was Stephen. . .  but this was different.  The stakes stretched infinitely higher now.

That day.  That day he paused. . .  walked out of the synagogue, and kept walking, drenching his clothes with tears, until he fell over, shaking from exhaustion.

That day.

His brother was murdered.

Now, 45 torturous years later, the wrinkled brow and scarred hands began to write.  No one must forget why.  No, they must know why.  They must know why he never turned back, why it was worth it.  Why there is still hope.

“In the beginning was the Word. . .”