Apparently, fewer people than we were led to believe.

Remember in school when the entire class would lose recess privileges because of a couple of irresponsible kids; then the entire class looked irresponsible? That is how I feel about marriage statistics.

Mainly, an irresponsible minority are bloating divorce statistics to make it look like marriage in general is in crisis. This is simply not the case.  Though many responsible people do get divorced, they do not constitute the majority of divorces. Tim Keller spells this out in his new book The Meaning of Marriage:

“While it is true that some 45 percent of marriages end in divorce, by far the greatest percentage of divorces happen to those who marry before the age of eighteen, who have dropped out of high school, and who have had a baby together before marrying. So if you are a reasonably well-educated person with a decent income, come from an intact family and are religious, and marry after twenty-five without having a baby first, your chances of divorce are low indeed.” -p. 23

Not only that, but the majority of marriages are happy ones:

“All surveys tell us that the number of married people who say they are “very happy” in their marriages is high-about 61-62 percent-and there has been little decrease in this figure during the last decade.” -p. 26

“But,” you say, “my marriage is going very badly right now. I’m miserable. I feel like we’re in a free-fall toward divorce.” Tim Keller has something encouraging to say to you as well:

“Most striking of all, longitudinal studies demonstrate that two-thirds of those unhappy marriages out there will become happy within five years if people stay married and do not get divorced.” -p. 26

What can I take away from this?

1. Practical strategies that increase the chances of having a “very happy” marriage really do exist (though no guarantees).
2. There is much reason for hope even in currently “unhappy” marriages.

God bless you and your (current or future) marriage on this Valentines Day!